Becksta, 

I get what your saying about nice guys vs. duchebags and asswipes- I love that everyone on dating sites says they are looking for someone nice, smart, attractive, and funny; as if anyone out there is looking for someone mean, stupid, ugly and boring. However, I think the article over at Heartless Bitches was right, but only to a point. The "Nice Guys" they are referring to are not actually Nice Guys, they have Nice Guy Syndrome. 

Nice guys, as I think we all envision them, are respectful, and that basicely boils down to:  they don't treat you, or anyone else like shit. Nice Guys, and Ladies for that matter, treat other people, animals, and things (i.e. nature, other peoples' things, ect.) with respect; obviously, true regard for a person comes with time, and is earned, but all people should always be accorded basic respect. What's more, and this is the important part, Nice People, men and women, do this for no other reason than it is the right thing to do.

This distinction is where the line is drawn between the Actual Nice Guys and those with Nice Guy Syndrome- I will call them Actuals and Syndromes from here on out. Actuals are as I described above, Syndromes are nice but they think that the fact that they are nice affords them some special consideration/ pat on the back/ medal of honor, and particularly from women, sex.

Syndrome guys are self-professed "Nice Guys"- one way you can usually spot them is that they will in fact tell you that they are "Nice Guys". These are the guys who say:  "I don't get it, I'm a nice guy. I have a job, a car, I don't hit women or treat them badly. Women only like assholes!" To which I respond: "You're supposed to have a job (job market considerations aside) and not hit women! That doesn't make you exceptional, that is the baseline!" These D-Students of the dating world think that just because some guys are losers, that they, being Nice Guys should get a front-of-the-line pass to your heart, life, vagina. 

These are the guys that Heartless Bitches was describing. They do actually tend to be, on the surface, nice. They, in fact, don't hit you, or yell at you and these are good qualities. However, they are also insecure, whiny, have serious entitlement issues. The fact that they have to tell you that they are Nice Guys demonstrates. Actions speak louder than words.

Syndromes are insidious because they are nice, for the most part; they just happen to be whiny, insecure, and entitled as well.  Also, they will tell you they are nice (unlike Actuals who just are nice so they don't need to tell anyone), as though only guys like them are Nice Guys.   

The problem with some people, men and women, saying "women don't like nice guys" and women turning around and saying "yes we do; we certainly don't like assholes" is that the people usually saying that women like assholes are Syndromes. Syndromes complain about this phenomenon because, they reason:  they are Nice Guys, obviously, and they never date or get to have sex with the women they think they deserve (they deserve them remember because they are Nice Guys), and women do date and have sex with men who are not them and are therefore not Nice Guys so, it is so proven, that women like assholes. 

The other people who support the idea that women like assholes are women, who have known, been friends, or have dated (most likely) men who are Syndromes, and figure, if this is what a Nice Guy is like, I'll take an asshole any day. This is probably where the Heartless Bitches are coming from. 

I'd love to hear what you or any of your other readers think about this, maybe you have been lucky enough to never meet a Syndrome, or saw them for the jerks they are from the beginning.

Eris