Every guy I know seems convinced that every girl in his particular circle of friends is either a Rachel, a Monica, or a Phoebe. The guys never have any comparisons for the men. None of the guys are ever Chandlers, Ross’, or Joeys, which seems to be a common theme in these sorts of discussions.

One of my so-called friends tried to put me in the Phoebe category; I asked him the Phoebe classification was because I was such a good singer or because of my secret twin that no one knows about. He couldn’t answer, which wasn’t all that much of a surprise. (For the record, I don’t have any singing ability or twin sisters that I am aware of.)

I told him that he was Ross. No one likes to be told that they are like Ross, even when it’s true. Telling any guy that he bears a striking resemblance to the whine-meister maestro Ross is one of the biggest insults a girl can give a guy. (Try it and tell me how it works.)

I don’t know why we have the need to classify people as characters from the “Friends” TV show in the first place. For one, “Friends” was kind of a mediocre show. And, with the exception of Phoebe and Joey who didn’t seem to fit in with the rest of the pack at all, the characters were all slightly OCD.

I don’t even understand how the six characters from “Friends” captured the hearts of the world and became a new kind of zodiac; only, instead of twelve different signs in which to classify people, with the unofficial “Friends” zodiac, we now have only have six.

I blame Facebook and all of the dumb Facebook “Which Friends Character Are You Quizzes” that we are “forced” to play and the developers who designed the games in the first place.

In the interest of research, I took one "Which Friends Character Are You?" quiz. The questions were creative, and probably an easy way for marketers to do some in-depth market research on prospective customers for free. In no particular order, I was asked whether I had a sporting equipment brand name preference, which animal I woke up with the power of, and how exactly I would feel if I were cast in a minor role of a Broadway show as a mermaid if my parents showed up unexpectedly.  

I answered the questions as honestly as I could—I did lie on one question—and was surprised to find that I was Joey because of my powers to attract the opposite sex. The only thing that the quiz proved to me was that it was pretty much a joke.

Which Friends character are you?