So, I’m newly single for the first time in a long time. But I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do. I didn’t cheat even once during my long relationship and am not sure how to get back in the saddle to go for a ride (and you know I don’t mean horses)!

Somehow, I’m thinking that I might be a little sketched out by a Craigslist meet-up for sex, and I haven’t gone out with the intention of picking up a guy since college although that might be a possiblity if I get desperate enough.

The single girls I know have been keeping me informed of what it’s like out there. I’ve been told that there are a few little details that I need to take care of before I get myself laid. Apparently, monthly bikini waxes are a pre-requisite for single sex—I’ve been told that shaving and trimming is no longer adequate. Since I’m not necessarily a masochist and don’t enjoy strips of hot wax poured over my pubes and ripped away by merciless women, I’m trying to figure out how many glasses of wine I’ll need to drink before my next appointment.

There are other things I’m not so sure about in the whole dating/sex thang. At what point in a conversation do I ask about a guy’s sexual history? Do I need to get a copy of his lab results, his doctor’s phone number or can I trust him to be honest about his sex life?

What do I do in the morning if and when I wake up in the morning next to a total stranger? I don’t know the protocol—should I crash out at his house and sneak away in the morning or should I let him stay at my new place instead and hope he doesn’t eat all of my cereal? What do the kids do these days? I’m not really interested in a “Walk of Shame” at this point in my life.

I’m not really sure how it’s all going to work out because I’ve been off the market for so long and don’t really know how to ask for sex without seeming like a piece of meat. Before this relationship, I had a couple of sex buddies with undefined rules of engagement so the “relationships” didn’t work out all that well for me.

Is sloppy drunk sex all I can expect to get?