The Intricacies of Faking

HmmmmmmmLadies, if you are going to fake your orgasms, have some respect for nearby neighbors, try to do it convincingly, and for the love of God, don't be shy about helping the dude give you a real orgasm the next time. Seriously, where is the equality?

The walls are thin in the four-plex I live in. The neighbor upstairs is average looking, maybe a little cute, and has an ok job, but is extremely popular with girls, particularly girls who are slightly intoxicated. There is a different girl most every week. They come and go and I smile and nod, because really, it is none of business. Except of course, when they are directly upstairs from my bedroom, having loud sex that keeps me awake.

Luckily for me (though probably not my neighbor and his many partners), the sex does not usually last too long. A few minutes and it's all done. A few creaks of the bed, a few grunts (though nothing compared to the female tennis players of today) and it is over. Last night, I am absolutely positive the girl, who was an enthusiastic sounding partner, was faking her ass off. Her timing didn't sound right, and she had nothing on Meg Ryan in the infamous scene from "When Harry Met Sally".  What was worse was that it was really, really loud. On a Tuesday. At 4:00 in the morning. I think it is largely to my credit that I didn't shout up to her at the top of my lungs to get her to "Shut the F. Up!"

The Internet is full of web sites on the sometimes elusive female orgasm and many sites offer tips to advise men how to notice when a woman is faking. But how many web sites are dedicated to the intricacies of when to fake, when not to fake, and how exactly to fake so that you don't wake your neighbors up?

Should you fake an orgasm on a one-night stand or is it not even worth the trouble? Should you fake an orgasm with a fuck-buddy who never seems to get it quite right or should you take the time to explain him the important parts of the female anatomy?

And, for my specific problem, how should I ask my neighbor to quiet down his drunken one-night stands without sounding too prude or preachy? (I know enough not to tell him that I think a significant number of his partners are faking.)