When I first got separated from my husband last spring, one of my friends suggested that I read “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” as inspiration for how to feel better about my separation and divorce. I told her that that particular book might not be the best inspiration for me in my brand new life as a single woman. 

The book and movie, as you probably already know, is the loosely-based story of author Terry McMillan who went to Jamaica and met a much younger man whom she later married. Oprah had McMillan and her husband on the show several years later; McMillan and her soon-to-ex husband revealed that he was gay. He defended keeping it a secret from McMillan by explaining that Jamaican culture was so conservative that he might not have known about his true sexuality. 

I think it’s probably likelier that McMillan’s husband knew enough about her to know that he had a money ticket and was prepared to use his youth and good looks to snag himself a rich wife. 

I chose not to go the tropical vacation route, mostly because I don’t enjoy traveling by myself, but partially because I wanted to spend some more time exploring my own city, state, and country. 

I also didn’t go the cougar/Stella route. From what I’ve seen, most much younger men who are after older women do so because they are just after sex, which is fine, but most lack the maturity to express it in a nice way or to treat the woman with respect. At least, that’s been my experience whenever I’ve been hit on by much younger men. Most of the young guys I’ve come across seem to have a little higher opinions of themselves than they should; I can understand the physical attraction to young guys, but it’s hard to understand how a Demi Moore-Ashton Kutcher pairing could have worked in the first place. 

I’m not sure how others deal with their own break ups, but I’ve dealt with mine through exercise, writing, renewing old friendships, support from friends and family, reading, enjoying the same activities that I always did, and by trying to get my life on track. My divorce has been much easier than others because there are no children involved, so I am really lucky in that regard.