What do you do when your friend is married to a jerk?  "Katie" (not her real name is case you were wondering) is not a cougar per se, but she is married to hot surfer from South-East Asia who just happens to be six years her junior. He not only surfs very well, he looks fantastic. He has long, dark hair, and a surfer's chest and abs. He also happens to be an extortionist and a free-loader.  

She, being American and highly educated, has much more earning potential than he does, so has been footing the bills for the last five years of their marriage. They have no children and during this time, he has not only not worked, he has maintained a surfer's lifestyle on her dime while she has worked off and on in other countries to support his lazy ass. 

To save money, they talk by MSN messenger. To give you an idea of their conversations, they are mostly in all CAPS, go on and on  for hours at a time, and don't end quickly.  

When she is in his country of residence, the entire family (3 dogs, a maid, and both of them) survive on roughly $500 a month. When she is out of the country, $2,000 is not nearly enough. To get more money, he threatens the dogs.

A typical "shouting" match follows:  WE ARE ALL HUNGRY HERE. WE HAVE NO MONEY.   

I'm not sending you money. 

THE DOGS ARE STARVING. 

I'm not sending you money. 

THE DOGS ARE VERY SKINNY. WE NEED MONEY. 

And so it continues in the same vein for a long period of time until eventually, distraught, exhausted, and very worried that her husband (who occasionally dabbles in methamphetemines) will try to use one of the dogs for additional leverage, Katie gives in and sends him more of her hard-earned cash.  

I always ask her why she stays with him.  She answers that it is part love, part fear for the dogs, and part worry that he could not make it on his own.  Sometimes she goes to far as to hope that he gets another sugar momma to take care of him, but always recants within five seconds. For better or for worse, this is her life. 

There is nothing I can say to convince her to leave him, nothing I can offer her in terms of support beyond the occasional girls night out when our paths actually cross, and nothing I can do to convince this highly educated, attractive still-young woman that she has more options than she does now.  As a woman, I’m asking other women (or men) what they do in similar situations to give actual real support to friends in abusive relationships.